If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
