Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
