That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
