I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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