Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My pussy is not your playground.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
