tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
