Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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