then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
