1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
