I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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