super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
