homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
