what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
