A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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