He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
