Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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