Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I intend to get homeless drunk
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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