what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
