I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
