Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
