If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need a beard to bite.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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