i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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