so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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