I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
