Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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