Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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