Whatcha textin bout Willis?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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