anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
