Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
