I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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