I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
