How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
