If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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