I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
