i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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