Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found puke in my bra..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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