you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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