Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
