My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
