Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
