so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
