naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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