I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
