Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
