Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yo dont text me then not text me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
