she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
