Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
