I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
