Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
