I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
